Tuesday, March 29, 2011

A Journey

So I've hinted at it here and here, but not come out and said it because, well, frankly, I'm a bit embarrassed.  (Yes, even in this anonymous space of interweb)  I mean, I didn't want to promise (yet again) to get skinny/exercise more/eat healthier/lose weight/tone up and then fail--only to have it this time be somewhat publically.  But I'm now going to go ahead and shout it out.  I'm trying to lose weight.  Now, I never was really very overweight.  And weirdly, that is actually part of what made me hesitant to tell anyone that I wanted to lose.  I struggled a wee bit (who didn't?) with body image in my late teens and early twenties and any mention of wanting to lose weight was met with my parents and friends exclaiming, "but you don't need to!" 

Of course, though, I did/do.  Slowly and surely, I'd gained weight since graduating from college.  And the pounds had piled on during law school.  I'd always stayed active--I loved my gym classes, but I was noticing that I wasn't really in great shape anymore.  And my clothing sizes were inching up.  I'd been a 2 or a 4 in college (keep in mind, that I'm a small boned five foot two) but the clothes I was buying at the end of law school to wear in my new job were all 8s!  I hated how I looked in photographs.  And while I've really enjoyed looking at the pictures of my sister at her wedding in October, the pictures of me in the bridesmaid dress make me want to shudder. 

And, so, this January, I made a not-new, not-original, but perhaps for the first time very-resolute new year's resolution.  I started tracking what I was eating.  And made a promise to make it to the gym on a more regular basis.  I told the Math Man and then swore him to secrecy.  (I needed an ally)  And so far, I'm succeeding.  I've lost eleven pounds as of this morning since January 1st at a slow but steady pace.  And I've gotten a few compliments.  And my clothes are all bigger.  In fact, I don't have a single pair of work pants that fit.  And I just bought new jeans the other weekend (hello! consignment shops with designer jeans!  good-bye to ever buying jeans at a department store again!)  And I'm going to be honest with you, it feels AWESOME. 

So I'm putting it out there.  My goal is to lose 9 more pounds.  For a grand total of twenty.  Bringing me back to my college-days range.  And of course, this has to be done in a slow and steady, healthy way.  I'd love to do it by summer. 

This isn't about to become a weight loss blog.  It's still a blog about things that make me happy.  But, to be honest, this awesome sauce, pants-too-big, loving-me-because-darn-it-I'm-worth-it, journey is making me happy.  So be forewarned, I just might blog about it again.  Because, darn it, those last nine pounds aren't going to just disappear on their own.  And knowing that someone out there in the internet knows that I'm working on this, just might motivate me to make the 100 healthy choices that add up to each little pound lost.  And man oh man, am I looking forward to that trip to the alteration shop once I'm there.

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